I know nothing about art. Trying to understand them makes my head think of potatoes. I did try though… I have, over the past times. For example, The Starry Night is a cosmic horror, The Persistence of Memory is about global warming, and the best painting in the world, Mona Lisa, is a distressed nun who wants to play dungeons and dragons. Do you see? So I thought, why not take my artistic touch up a notch and present to you, MY TOP TEN (SHITTY) ANALYSIS… OF ART. I would suggest reading the reviews while keeping an eye on the picture. It’s much more fun that way.
The Gleaners by Jean-Francois Millet
Three female farmer friends or triple Fs (Blue, red, and fellow) are hanging around in a field, which is ripped off by the male dominants of the society and being carried away in the back. This is a depiction of the life and struggle of women in a patriarchal society. The poor triple Fs are left with nothing but roots. While reaching for leftovers, all they could find is a hand full of hay. Then suddenly the blue one saw a worm. “look there’s a worm” she said. “so what?” asked the red one. “They are nice bates for fishes. I have seen men using them. We can catch fishes. And maybe then all our worries will be over.” she replied. Enthusiastically, the yellow one saw another and was bending down to grab it. The red one tried to catch one, but her grip was so strong that smashed in her fingers. That day they caught a handful of worms and the hays were left on the field.
Gathering Paradise by Sandy Skoglund
This is a tale of a squirrel invasion. For decades, researchers are studying the activities of squirrels, but to no avail. Like what was shown in Rick and Morty.
There was a house. A peaceful house. A house with a loving father, a wonderful mother, and a cute child. Until it was destroyed by ragging squirrels. This picture captures the first event of their invasion that was followed by many, spread all across the world, and took the world by storm. The lovely family was never seen before. Just like the demise of thousands of other families that tried to protest. At first, the squirrels used crows to get surveillance feed of the innocent humans (you can see them in the picture). Then they orchestrated a simultaneous attack on the weaker economy. There, they multiplied behind the eyes of the world, and when they became in millions… The war of Nuts began.
Still Life with Strawberries, no date by Levi Prentice
This picture cries for help. Everything is wonderful, there are fresh riped strawberries, wonderful cake, and freshly served tea (or coffee). Yet not one soul is seen anywhere. All these foods will be left to rot. As people are running with the pacing of time, the most important thing of existence is neglected. Left untouched as they are captivated by newspapers, or even worse, gourmandizing with their food without savoring the flavor. This is a portrait of loneliness.
Frontispiece for Goblin Market, 1933 by Arthur Rackham
A pretty lady went to the market to buy some fruits. The market is run by goblins. The first goblin, seeing the damsel, tried to sell to her his fruits. But his fruits were yellow and had not yet ripened. So a second goblin approached her. His fruits were partly ripened and apt for buying. But the first goblin went enraged as the lady ignored him. So he picks a rock from the ground and approaches her. Two other goblins were on their way too. They got the best fruits in the market and eager to sell a whole basket. Then suddenly a goblin with small unwanted fruits grabbed her by the hair. The first goblin was shocked. He is not the only one who feels this way. The goblin with unwanted fruits was joined by his fellow members of the same dismay. Not one wants to buy their fruits.
This is a story of men and their wild approaches in the presence of a woman.
Ingram Street Tea Rooms by Charles Rennie Mackintosh
Black and white and gray. The three colors of sadness. In a world where the air is infected with the coronavirus. Restaurants are suffering and dying. A mask and a spoon don’t go hand in hand. People are afraid to eat outside. At this time, a restaurant dared to open… decorated with tea and pastries… in his last breath of hope. Charles Rennie designed a picture of this dystopian future in early 1900, that came to be, nearly one hundred and twenty years ago.
White Center, 1950 by Mark Rothko
Do you know what I see? I see a little silhouette of a man,
Scaramouch, Scaramouch, will you do the Fandango!
Thunderbolts and lightning, very, very frightening me
Galileo, Galileo
Galileo, Galileo
Galileo, Figaro - magnificoo
The Chariot of Aurora(detail), 1935 by Jean Dunand
A battle emerged between two countries of immense military power. On one side, there is the kingdom of fire and on the other side, there is the kingdom of stars. When the fire kingdom sends birds as the first declaration of war, the star kingdom countered it with birds of their own. When they send a sound attack of Clanging Scales, it was countered by Hydro Cannon. The two pokemon… sorry! The two parties attacked with wind blows. It was a war between equal forces. The two sides prepared their cavalries to march forward, when suddenly, the god of fire, the Sun came down. He couldn’t stand his disciples to be slaughtered before him. This sudden turn of events shifted the scale of the war and the first to run away was the cavalry horses.
Egrets, c. 1945 by NC Wyeth
Papa bird and mama bird were in love and the proof of their love was their baby-bird. But as time went by and the pressure of a child got a hold on them, their flame started to wear off. Which, in frustration, led to quarrels. They didn’t know what to do. There is their responsibility, and there is them in between. But time wasn’t cruel to them for so long. As baby-bird became a big bird, it was time for him to leave the nest. Papa bird and mama bird were in joy to see their half-ass good for nothing burden to leave from their sight, as they had other business to attend to… behind the tall grass.
Christina's World, 1948 by Andrew Wyeth
This girl is a naughty child. Her parents are fed up with her demands. She never listens to them and does whatever she wants. That day too, they had planned to go on a holiday. It is one of their yearly visits to a nearby city or to their relative’s house. But as always, at the last moment, she changed her mind. She has to go to his friend’s house as she told them and ran away. Her father tried to stop her but failed. He warned her not to go, but will she listen? No. She was gone with the wind. When she returned, she found tire marks on the field, and her parents were gone.
People in the Sun by Edward Hopper
Five distinct figures were sitting in the sun. One brought a pillow, the other brought a hat, one brought a book to read… one brought a mustache and the other forgot to bring her face. There are two pairs of couples. Businessmen and their modern spouses. They are smart, fashionable, and quite gentlemen. But when you look at them, you see people in pride and prejudice. There is no love between the couples, as the sight of mountains is more fascinating than the ones beside them. And because it’s an elegant thing to do that radiates their intellectuality. They had taken their partners for granted. But in those people and also separated from those people, is a bibliophile, who loves his books more than he would like the company of a woman. But, as a consequence of this blizzard behavior of his, he has been alienated from society.
[Don’t know if I did any decent injustice… but I really enjoyed writing this. Invincible’s frustration is finally been forgotten]