Galga weel never knew what a smile was. He felt, understood, even performed as his mother taught him, but never knew how it looks like. Although he didn't know how anything in this world actually looks like, it's just a smile he wondered the most. The next day was his 18th birthday and the clock was showing exactly 11 o'clock when his big sister Elina and her husband Josh started a fight. The three of them sitting quietly after their gorgeous supper and Galga's mother was taking care of the dishes when Elina bashed the table in demand. “I wanna go tomorrow, I don't care”, she said. It's been three months since their marriage, so Josh was still figuring out how to deal with her short bursts. Like an ideal husband, he was trying to be reasonable with her, but Galga sensed his patients were about to wear off. According to Galga, Elina had always been demanding, she could be kind and sweet sometimes but never a sharing person. “It's okay if she wanna leave tomorrow Josh, you two deserve a holiday”, Galga's mother came in condoling. “Gal understands, don't you Gal?” Galga nodded as his mother taught him. People like him if he behaves. Though such a childish idea never actually worked for him, he obeyed anyway. “Then we must leave now to get a goodnight's sleep”, rejoiced Elina. “Can't you wait for another hour? It's his birthday for Christ’s sake”, Josh exhausted. Elina did feel sympathy for her little brother but not enough. It's just her years of rejection and complex and desired attention from others that speaking rudely. She wanted full control. Mother knows that and so do I, thought Galga. “Mom said it's okay, what's your problem”. Galga heard Josh exhaling disappointment and after a moment, felt a kiss on his forehead and footsteps started to fade away. “It’s just you and me Gal”, mother said. “Huh? Dad's coming too, isn't he? Galga asked. “No dear, your father missed the train... that's why I invited your sister”. “But... You said... You...” lips puzzled, suddenly tumbling while sadness covered in silence. He was pretty sensitive for his age, Galga, as his isolation from the outside preserved it. He knew which way the door was. So he ran for it and left without a word. His mother did nothing as it wasn't the first time, and she knew it will only be for an hour or so.
“I never wanted a cake, I'm a grown-up... I don't want my stupid sister... It has always been me, mom and dad... Every year, right past 12, Dad and Mom would yell happy birthday and hugs me from both sides... It had always been like that... the only thing I looked forward to, the only thing that felt real in this dark world...”
Galga kept muttering as he walked into the alley. An alley that led to many more. The Cobweb Alley. The place where others got lost very often, our Galga knew every inch of this maze, he remembered it with every bump and fall. Steps and counting worked better than sight. Maybe not, but Galga is in no place to compare.
The street smell like garbage, dark... like always. Here he didn't even need his stick. He could just feel the wall and walk accordingly. Pass the light pole, he turned left, and after three iron gates took a deep right. He ensured it's the right way when a dog started barking and went into his solitary thoughts as he carried on. Next at his friend's house, their television set announced midnight...
“I know what you want
I'm gonna take you to a midnight show tonight
If you can keep a secret
I got a blanket in the back seat on my mind”... As it sang.
I'm Eighteen now, Galga thought. I would've been blowing candle now, making a wish, he added. But he was still mad, and he hasn't spent much time to make a point. He couldn't go back. He sat on the street, back on the wall, legs closer to his belly and a pale face. Now he felt the actual sadness. Innocently turned to despair. He lifts his head up, for the sky, where God lives, joined his hands together and wished... “God, if I could only see everything”.
Hopeless desire, he knows, painful to say. But he said it anyway. A long-gone hope he still kept hidden, just to live on. After a moment he felt relief as the pain went out. So he got up, cleaned off his pants, and head back. As he went on, he realized the usual smell was long gone and a refreshing scent of some shampoo kissed his nose. Frightening. The road felt uncommon. Appalling as it was, he didn't stop walking, hoping it may lead to his friend's house he crossed moments ago… when a cold breeze went through his feet and water crawling up. His legs were slowing down, and he felt a splash of water from his left. Fear grabbed his mind and his heart was beating drums. Galga was scared as hell when he heard a noise coming closer... dub, DUB, dub, DUB, dub, DUB... Then a bright flash of light hit his eyes. Yes, light! A light that outshines the black rich sky, gave him a headache, and made the cold water sparkle. Galga could see. He could see the night brightened blue and the three shining rings floating above. Rings with many eyes, one inside the other, spinning in speed and spreading yellow and blue. Wings attached but not to fly. And it looked right at him as he felt Divine.
Thoughts and assumptions ran on and on when something extraordinary happened. Galga could not only see the world but also all in it. From the very colors of a germ to the gathering of galaxies. He saw the depth of the Pacific and the beginning of time. The past of his mother and his sister's future. Even saw his father in blue.
He could see anything and everything, what he didn't saw was himself in it. He couldn't find his own existence, not a single memory of his future or present, nor together with his mother. He saw everything... and became nothing.